i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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