My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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