smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
