I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
