oh god the rape fog is back!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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