she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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