Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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