Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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