she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
