I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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