Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
