I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm always down for nudity.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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