i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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