i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
