I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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