all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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