They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
