I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize