I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The adults are the big ones right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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