My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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