Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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