you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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