i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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