His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
