Got a toothbrush?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
