so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
