Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
