just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
