the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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