Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This toilet bowl is my home.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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