did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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