I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
