Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
