The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
