Ambien. No doubt about it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
