So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
