Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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