Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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