Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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