I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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