Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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