what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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