....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
