I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
