Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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