He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
