the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
