I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
