Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
