you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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