were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
