Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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