walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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