pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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