Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
