I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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