Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
