:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
