Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
