Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
