I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
