we were pretty classy up until the second keg
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
