some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
