i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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