We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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