I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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