Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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