There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
