Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
