i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
