I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
