i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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