My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
