I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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