I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
