i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
