I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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