i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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