Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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