You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
