My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
