plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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