well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
