the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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