Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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