On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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