It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
